Embodiment Lessons from the Pandemic
The Covid-19 pandemic has been tragic in the literal sense. As I am writing this, worldwide deaths attributed to the pandemic have surpassed five million, and the US alone accounts for more than seven hundred and fifty thousand of those deaths. Many millions more have been infected and some of those are carrying long term effects of the virus. Like all tragedies it will leave scars. But also, like all tragedies, if we look, we will also find some gifts.
Some of these gifts were called out during the first surge in 2020. If you weren’t being directly impacted by the virus, you might remember noticing how relatively quiet and peaceful it was with just a small percentage of the normal road and air traffic. Energy usage and therefore carbon output went down significantly, with observable positive effects on the environment, temporary as they were. Corporations and many of us small businesspeople learned that while there is no perfect substitute for face-to-face interaction, we can accomplish much of what we want to accomplish with others through virtual meetings.
The fact that all this traffic came back so quickly shows that we are not at this time ready to do without it, nor have we implemented adequate, more sustainable replacements. However, many of the folks I’ve talked with lately appreciated having some time to slow things down a bit and examine how they were being on a day-to-day basis. For many of us, this has led to making at least small changes in how we choose to live our lives. Examples I’ve heard talked about include: using less one and done plastic, doing more sharing and less purchasing, walking or bike riding instead of driving for short trips, taking more frequent breaks closer to home rather than big vacations, working a little less and helping out more around the home, etc.
Another thing I’ve noticed is that since the pandemic started, and I became careful about the spread of germs to others and from others to me, I’ve had nary a sniffle, let alone any full-blown colds or flu (full disclosure, I’ve also been getting annual flu shots). While we now know that the early focus on hand sanitizing anytime you touched a surface was probably overkill for preventing Covid, the practice still had its benefits. I know many people who, based on similar observations, have sworn they will never shake hands again. And this brings us to the main embodiment lesson I wanted to share in this post.
Using handshakes as a greeting is something most of us (in the West, at least) have embodied through a lifetime of practice. It is a habit, but it is more than that. The form of our handshake varies and the form it takes in each interaction depends on who we are about to interact with, and it starts the moment we sense the presence of that person.
Take a moment to envision the difference between shaking hands when you meet someone for the first time vs when you unexpectedly meet a good friend or cherished relative; or even the subtle difference in greeting the friend of a friend vs a pure business transaction. In these different cases, you have different intentions that begin well before the physical act of shaking hands and show up differently to the person you are greeting. Again, the point is that for most of us, each handshake is an embodiment of who we are and who and what we care about that comes from deep inside our nervous system - not just a habit. And for this reason, choosing to stop shaking hands, even replacing them with a similar gesture (e.g., fist bump), is going to be more difficult than you might expect. And, it is going to be a great opportunity to practice embodying something new!
Here is an invitation… When you assess it is safe for you personally to enter back into social functions, pay attention to the greetings going on between others and between yourself and others. Just see if you notice a difference from pre-Covid. Do you find you are hesitating? Or maybe you intend to replace your handshakes but end up shaking hands anyway. These are vivid examples of how we tend to act without full choice all the time in our day-to-day behavior.
Being in choice in the way you are acting is called being centered or mindful and this is a valuable thing to practice in regard to any of your embodied ways of being. You may be completely satisfied with what you have already embodied, but when you are not, it is possible to embody a new act and ultimately turn it into a new practice.
It begins with our intentions, which again goes back to being mindful/centered. In the case of greeting people in person, begin with your intentions for this greeting. If this is a casual or transactional greeting, maybe you don’t need to get all the way into handshaking range. This makes it easier to apply a different greeting such as a hand wave or head nod. If it is a more meaningful interaction, you probably want to get closer. Maybe you asses the costs and benefits and go in for a hug that doesn’t involve much skin on skin. Maybe you give yourself time to explain you aren’t shaking hands since the pandemic while you express how happy you are to be with this person. Or maybe just a fist bump and a knowing look.
These are choices for you to consider and make. The point is, we do have a choice, even with deeply engrained habits. Maybe more importantly though, this is an example where we can practice being more mindful, examining our true intentions, noticing what is going on for us in the moment and choosing actions consistent with our intent. The ability to self-observe and examine actions that are or are not serving us, and where appropriate embodying new actions, is fundamental to developing as a leader and developing as a human being. Are you gonna try it? Shall we shake on it?
